I felt a little out of my element. I had been with my new job for a little over three months, and then I got the opportunity to travel to Switzerland for a conference. I went alone, and I was rather nervous. The conference was in Zurich and I had never been there, I didn’t speak German, and I didn’t know anybody who would be at the conference. I’m not a very social person, so jumping in with both feet didn’t really feel like a valid option.
I got to the hotel a day before the conference started and thought it would be a good opportunity to explore. It was a warmer day with a little rain. It was beautiful walking along the lake and seeing the city on one side and mountains on the other. I was enjoying the city, but I was also feeling a little uncomfortable.
I wandered around, sat and had some coffee, and took in my surroundings. There’s something about being in a new place, alone, that is comforting and jarring at the same time. I dove into my head-space and really started thinking about how I perceived the world, and how the world perceived me. No conclusions were made, but I felt a little more comfortable taking a step back and analyzing.
The conference started, and it wasn’t always as awkward as I had anticipated it would be. The conference was a meeting of global LGBT pride organizers, so there was a common sense of community, which helped.
At one dinner, I ended up sitting next to the man who is credited with creating the very first rainbow flag in San Francisco in the 1970s. It was hard for me to engage in conversation with strangers, but he was friendly and had so many stories to share. To speak to somebody with a rich and varied past is one of the treasures of human contact, but it’s not always easy to soak up knowledge in the moment. I remember wondering how this man’s life was relevant to my own. I attributed that self-absorbed thought process to the youth I embodied at the time, but looking back I realize that it’s normal for us to try and relate to the stories we hear. The beauty of getting older is that we realize how connected we all are. Yet again, I found myself diving deep into my psyche in Zurich as we ate our dinner.
My favorite experience on this trip was the final night’s dinner. We all boarded a bus and went up to the top of a mountain outside of Zurich. It was one of those mountain passes that was so windy and narrow that we all thought the bus would tip over and we would roll down an Alpine mountain at any moment. After we had sufficiently suffered from elevated blood pressure and white knuckles, we found ourselves at a gorgeous Swiss chalet overlooking a valley.
Inside, we were greeted with traditional Swiss music and a banquet feast served to us with wine pairings. The event was loud, festive, and warm. I ended up sitting near people I had not met before, and it was hard for me to make acquaintances and jump into the conversation. Again, I found myself wondering why I tended to be so introverted. I wanted to connect with the people I met. At this point I realized that the night before was filled with extremely interesting stories that I will probably remember for a long time. I never remember the stress and anticipation of social interactions, I remember how the interactions made me feel. If only I could embrace that in the moment.
The dinner was pleasant, but no real connections were made. We traveled back down the mountain and went our separate ways the next day. I realized that I had spent a few days in one of the world’s great cities surrounded by new people with stories and lives, but let my anxiety get the best of me. It’s hard to completely throw yourself into new places and situations while abandoning your past proclivities. Still, every time I travel and meet new people it gets better. I think back on Zurich fondly, and I’m happy with the conversations I had and the sites I saw. I could’ve ventured out of my comfort zone more, but then I wouldn’t have anything to analyze and explore within myself.